Movie Review: "American Hustle"

Recommendation: Enjoy this movie after the children have gone to bed. It is an adult movie appealing to adults for its message and character portrayal of our flaws and attempts to do better. Your child will not understand it and there are many better ways to spend your time together. Your teen simply won’t care about the story. The R rating is for sexuality and language. The four-letter words are barely noticed as the characters include them in common language, as I remember them spoken, not as expletives. Amy Adams reminds us every woman has a sensuality, and it isn’t related to the size of her breasts. Her character's consistent wardrobe of lower than low-cut outfits reminds us when you find a look that works for you, there’s no need to overdo it. No nudity thrill to be seen here. The opening scene of Christian Bale’s stomach and methodical devotion to cover his character’s bald spot could be listed as a gross-out feature, early on defining this con man’s attempts to present a better look than his genes allow. He cares, he really does.
Rating: I love this show. Movie critic Joe Neumaier describes the film expertly, “There’s a great fever-dream quality to David O. Russell’s American Hustle that instantly reels you in.” With our easily distracted moments of phone calls, family, pets, snacks, and a laptop computer to touch, a movie needs that draw to keep you coming back to the screen. Connecting to me on a personal level held my interest. During the 1960’s I was schooled by others, but I grew up in the 1970’s.

When you reach your 18^th birthday, it is a perfect time to reflect on what you have learned to date, the facts of life you had no control over, and what kind of person you appear to be. If you don’t like what you see, the next decade, the 1970’s for me, is the time to work on you, as demonstrated by every character in American Hustle. The relationship to an actual FBI plot named Abscam is simply a nice backdrop, not for historical accuracy. I remember the brief headlines of Abscam, but as with most headlines, it had little to do with my real life in the Midwest of marriage, babies, and choices. American Hustle also doesn’t show the characters rushing off to college to find themselves, as young people are told they must do today. They were simply trying to make a life with what they saw in front of them. That is reality.

Within the last decade, I relocated from a city to a more rural area of Iowa and had to make the choice of driving great distances to see a first-run movie, or give up my obsession with the big screen. Then Netflix was invented. Now I am at the whim of their magnificent mailing system. I simply list the movies I desire, and wait my turn.

Watching movie trailers on YouTube is not how I spend my available computer time. Instead, I often select movies already recognized by award shows. When I find my tastes do not correlate with award show voters, I enjoy the power that I still retain to turn off the television after just a few moments and find something else to do. I simply place the movie in our street-side mail box and within a couple days have a new one to watch at my leisure.

American Hustle received several Oscar nominations, piquing my interest:

• Nominated for Best Picture; beat out by 12 Years a Slave. Haven’t seen it yet. Not sure I will. Obviously, it was well done.
• Christian Bale nominated for Best Actor, beat out by Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club. Haven’t seen that movie yet, either. Looks depressing. Maybe later in the summer.
• Amy Adams for Best Actress; beat out by Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine. I like Ms. Blanchett but won’t see Woody Allen’s film. His sense of humor, poor life choices, and typical story portrayal has never appealed to me.
• David O. Russell for Directing; beat out by Gravity’s Alfonso Cuaron. I appreciate Russell’s choice to show a story and not use short editing blips to distract the viewer. Those blips make me feel old as someone else’s life flashes before my eyes. The choice to turn off the television has been taken to escape the overuse of editing. As a parent educator, I am concerned about the shortened attention-span of younger people who cannot stay on task to interpret correctly what is portrayed in front of them. Time needs to be devoted to reading the whole book, instead of relying on short reviews on websites, or Yahoo flashes. Forming your own opinion is a dying skill. Letting others form that opinion for you will be mankind’s demise.
• Eric Warren Singer and David O. Russell for Original Screenplay; beat out by Spike Jonze, Her. Never heard of Her. Probably won’t see it. I might see Bob Nelson’s Nebraska. Living in Iowa, Nebraska is a neighbor. (It’s to the west of us, for those map-challenged.)
• Production Design nomination to Judy Becker and Set Decoration to Heather Loeffler are worthy of mention. Since I remember the 70’s, I appreciate the subtle ways these ladies kept us in the decade without overblowing it. I enjoy Mad Men for the same reason. On this season’s opening show, the huge macramé hanging on the wall was similar to one I had created. Macramé was so easy. Some days I am easy to please.
• Becker and Loeffler were beat out by The Great Gatsby, Production Designer Catherine Martin and Set Decoration by Beverley Dunn – now that was an era of extravagance, and way before my time.
• Jay Cassidy, Crispin Struthers and Alan Baumgarten nominated for Film Editing; beat out by Gravity’s Alfonso Cuaron and Mark Sanger. Haven’t seen Gravity yet, but can imagine the extreme need for editing when the majority of the film is shot in front of a green screen. Note my above comments on American Hustle’s director Russell’s choice to keep the movie a story being told, not a bunch of blips – appreciate it.
• Jennifer Lawrence nominated for Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role; beat out by Lupita Nyong'o, 12 Years a Slave. The view of Lupita’s performance demonstrated she really sold it. Great job. Jennifer Lawrence is such a sweet, beautiful girl, who came across as a primal, unintelligent young woman with the desire to better herself (I’ve read Wayne Dyer books, too) but will never understand why she doesn’t accomplish the task. I’ve known many like her.
• Julia Roberts, August: Osage County – won’t be watching this movie. Too much family dysfunction. Lived it. Don’t need to see it again.
• Loved the old music brought to life again. I danced and sang to those tunes in my younger years.
• Achievement in Visual Effects Oscar went to Gravity, of course.
• Michael Wilkinson nominated for Costume Design; beat out by The Great Gatsby. Michael did a great job, again without overkill. Loved the fur coats. That was a different era, indeed.
• Bradley Cooper for Best Supporting Role; beat out by Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club. Cooper portrayed his character well of self-interest to stand out from the crowd of the 70’s incompetent FBI. Sorry, FBI agents, in reality the 70’s were not your best decade.

I do love it when I can get lost in actors’ portrayal of their written character, such as a New Jersey Mayor played by Jeremy Renner, instead of my mind interrupting the movie to tell me, “Oh yeah, That’s Jeremy Renner who starred in The Hurt Locker – great job. Now back to the movie.”
Hope you find time to enjoy American Hustle, too.

Letter to Rachel Canning: You are a spoiled teen

Rachel Canning of New Jersey is one lucky girl that doesn’t appreciate what her parents have done to create such an independent, strong woman. As an honor student and athlete at her private school, she claims she has no means of support and is suing her parents for private (Catholic) school costs, college, room and board, and more although she refuses to live by their house rules and moved out.

Rachel, grow up! You are now an adult. Your parents did their best and you are now stuck with the kind of person you have become.  Can the nuns at your expensive private school still look you in the eye? They must be so embarrassed to have you as a student. Haven’t you read the Bible? Honor your parents. Be appreciative of what they have given you. Get a job. I hear minimum wage might be over $10/hour soon. That’s pretty good wages from my view. Plus, you are a smart girl. Unappreciative, but still intelligent. Sounds like you know how to play the angles. Have you been taking lessons on the side from a welfare mom who knows how to get all the freebies from the government without getting a job? (Yes, that’s unfair to welfare moms who are trying to do their best, but you know there are some who play the system.)

Anyone who knows me knows I am big on House Rules. Too many families don’t bother with them, or create them and don’t enforce them. Congratulations for your parents on standing by their House Rules. Shame on you for not understanding them by now.

Attorney fees? Really? You sue your parents, then want them to pay for the attorney. That takes balls. And it disgusts me. Have you taken the time to add up all the money your parents have spent on you up to your 18^th birthday? Just because “they have the money”, doesn’t mean they have to give their ADULT child any more. You obviously haven’t appreciated what they have given you so far.  They will need to spend some of their money on family counseling, not for you, but for them. Sounds like your mother is pretty upset over her eldest daughter. She was probably expecting to share a nice friendship with you at this age that is typical when a parent has done a good job. Instead you bring shame onto the family and publicly by suing them. Shame on you.

 

Rachel, you've had your 15 minutes of fame. Get off the stage.

Take Care of Behavior Problems Now, Not Later

The following is an excerpt from my book, “25 Ways to Encourage Good Behavior with More Discipline, Less Punishment,” from my series Single Parent Wisdom: If only I knew then, what I know now…

 

#1 Take Care of Problems Now, Not Later

Do you keep quiet when you witness misdeeds and then lump the memories of misbehavior into one angry outburst? Allen Elkin, Stress Management for Dummies®, describes this as Kitchen-Sinking a person. It’s not fair. Children prefer fair. If you didn’t correct the action when it happened, how was she to know that you really cared?

 

“Discipline works best when it’s immediate, mild, and brief, because it’s then associated with the transgression and doesn’t breed more anger and resentment.” from Nancy Shute, “Good Parents, Bad Results,” U.S. News & World Report

Don’t catastrophize

·       The world won’t end if the trash doesn’t make it to the curb this week.

·       Your child isn’t condemned to a life in prison if she steals one piece of candy. Discuss the theft and have consequences for wrong choices of behavior. [Or explain the open box on the counter did not mean they were free to take.]

·       The roof won’t fall in if your child disagrees with you about a House Rule. Say, “I can understand how you might feel that way.” Consider her opinion and change the rule, or not.

The above words sound simplistic. They are meant to be. Parents don’t need to read all the studies done on behavior management. That is the job of authors. This book series offers parents guidelines, and the freedom to apply them to their role, or to ignore them if they do not seem appropriate for their lifestyle.

It is popular today to parent more as a friend, then a parent. This does not benefit any child, especially for his future adult life. A parent must decide how he wants to raise his child, and include the other parent’s ideas. If the two parents can agree, the child will be able to understand his role so much better. If they can’t agree, eventually the child will learn what each parent expects and behave accordingly, or rebel. That is the child’s choice. Once the child is an older teen, his parents can begin towards more of a friendship role, but still remain parents when needed.

The parents’ choice is to decide what consequences work with each particular child and apply them. Suggestions for consequences that are logical, reasonable, and far out (catch the child off his guard) are available at the singleparentwisdom.com website. Or you can simply apply the standard, “We do not behave like that in this household.”

A child needs to be taught how he should behave to get the style of life he desires. This will benefit him immensely as he grows up. There are standards set for acceptable behavior in every area of life: school, college, friendships, jobs, marriage, parenting, and as a member of a community. It is the parents’ job to provide this instruction, with every step.

Get a FREE Book: “25 Ways to Encourage Good Behavior with More Discipline, Less Punishment” by Julie Prescott; Wynot Publications; ISBN 978-0-982132609   E-book ISBN: 9780982513965

While supplies last, request one or more free copies of the paperback 25 Ways from the publisher for the cost of postage. Contact the publisher Wynot Publications at info@singleparentwisdom.com. Note: Title missing from the spine on the free copies.

Beware of "Housewife101" house cleaning tips

Today, I searched for a housecleaning list -- cleaning is always a challenge for me. On my website at http://singleparentwisdom.com/ I include a house cleaning task list to help you assign chores with other family members so everyone can keep track of who is to do what by when. Always looking to improve myself, this morning I decided to do a simple search for a different housecleaning checklist -- just to see what is available.

• First, I had to do a lot of messing around to install a program called Zip Opener to get to the cleaning list which turned out to be a computer cleaning program called RegCleanPro (registry cleaner). Already have one. Don't need it. Doesn't help with my house. X
• Next Mysearchdial appeared. A flashing red and yellow box wants to do a Windows Scan. It states it is a sponsored ad. Annoying. Already have plenty of protection on my system, thank you. X
• In the background, I find RegCleanPro is scanning my system. Stop! Claims it is a Microsoft Partner. Don't care. Don't need it. X
• BEST PICKS window opens FREE TO DOWNLOAD with many more apps available. Not what I want today. X 
• Mobogenie "No. 1 Android Portal" with quite a variety of apps to select. No thanks. X
• Need to accept the Terms to continue. Read a little, but apparently not enough. 
• WOW! Several apps appear on my desktop: MySearchDial, RegCleanPro, FREE Games, Mobogenie, Advanced System Protector, Open It! and MyPC Backup -- remove, remove, remove. X
•  Jump Flip 1.0.0 wants to install. NO! X 
• Now I have to open my Control Panel to uninstall all these programs: Advanced System Protector takes me to their website and another request to keep it. HASSLE! Again, uninstall Jump Flip, Mobogenie, Mysearchdial, Open It!, RegCleanPro, Zip Opener Packages, and Update for Zip Opener.
• That took way too much time. Where do I send the bill for my time used to clean up this mess? 
• Warning: No free lunch! That's not a good enough excuse. Beware of this free offer. No closer to my goal of locating a housecleaning list.
• I tried to return to my steps to find the website so I can warn you, but instead found Housewife101 leads to porn sites.XXX Really not what I want. What a wasted morning!
• Be careful of free information. Keep an eye on your computer and mobile devices. Don't let others take over or install unwanted applications on your system.

So far, the housecleaning chore list on my website is the best I've found -- with no hidden programs attached. Makes me wary to continue my search.
Have you found a good one?

Problem: My girlfriend does not want to meet my parents.

Solution: How exciting! It’s time to meet the parents. Or is it? When you are young, new to serious relationships, meeting the parents is another step showing the world this is the girl for you. There might even be talk of a marriage in your future. Or is there?

In adult relationships, “meeting the parents” takes on a myriad of pros and cons. Your girlfriend has been married or in a committed relationship before, raised her own children, and lived independently for several years. The thought of meeting the new boyfriend’s parents can stir up a lot of history that you haven’t heard, and never will. How did she get along with her own parents and previous in-laws? How many layers of in-laws were there? Do you have the time or desire to listen to her talk of previous relationships? Does she want to share?

What have you shared about your past with her? Has she quietly sat and listened as you complained about your over-bearing mother, your distant father, and jealousy of your siblings? Has she witnessed your rants after you get off a phone call from dear old mom? Or shared glowing reports of your idyllic childhood making her realize what different worlds you come from?

Why bother? The relationship is working just fine as it is today. Why add more drama? Travel, expense, sleeping arrangements, loss of control of your own time, the need to be civil to strangers whom she has already formed an opinion, all create more discomfort than your girlfriend wants to deal with at this stage in her life. She’s an adult. She chooses to not place herself in a situation where she will be judged by others. Let it be.

Nevertheless, the holidays are approaching and your parents want the whole family together. Is it time to say no to the parent bond and strike out on your own? It is nice when everyone can get together, but as we age and live further apart that becomes more cumbersome. Sit this one out. Tell your parents you look forward to seeing them next time. Create your own tradition. Stay home with your girlfriend and enjoy the holidays in your style.

I Deserve It – Do you really?

I cringe when I hear someone say, “I deserve it.” Now, the marketing industry via advertising is capitalizing on the entitlement generation’s belief that they deserve whatever they want. “You deserve this new phone” they tout. Websites agree you deserve it at www.youdeserveacar.com and www.ideserveacar.com. But do you really?

I deserve this doughnut – because I’m tired and hungry. Even though, I love how doughnuts are so easy to eat and take away that empty feeling, I never deserve one, or two. My diabetic nutritionist reminds me of that fact.

I deserve a smart phone with all the perks. That would be great, but I can’t justify the expense. I feel lucky to have texting ability so I can chat with my grandchildren. My attempts to encourage the ancient ritual of letter writing sent through the mail has failed. They are missing the anticipation of waiting for a letter, followed by the excitement of opening one. So much better than the ping announcing a new text.

I deserve to be happy. That’s the explanation a 19-year-old mother of two gave for why she abandoned her young children to move to a different country with her new husband (he doesn’t like children). Having your first baby at age 15, followed by another at age 18, does put a weight on happiness, if you think happiness is freedom. Parenting is demanding at any age, especially if you have not surrounded yourself with supportive friends and family. Many agencies exist to help such a parent. She did not do the work of locating and accepting such help. It was easier to leave. Unfortunately, her 18-month-old never understood why mommy left him. He has physical and mental health problems. Some of those could be connected to the lack of prenatal care the mother implemented while pregnant. That too was available to her – free of charge.

We could put the blame on the school system for not teaching history correctly. In the United States, our forefathers, actually Thomas Jefferson, wrote the U.S. Declaration of Independence and included a line about the pursuit of happiness. A quick reference to Wikipedia lists the particular quote as, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” Translate that to today’s terms, you have the right to pursue a happy life. You don’t deserve it. There is some work involved. Get a job. Take the responsibility of children you create by providing them a safe home, food, clothing and an education. 

What do you deserve? You deserve it to yourself to get your act together. Work on that. Visit your local library. Read books on how to achieve better personal health, then read some about general psychology. You have the ability to live a better, happier life. You just have to put in the time to achieve it. No one can hand it to you. Happiness will come when you feel secure about your place in life.

Sandy Hook, Ct, tragedy less due to pre-training of staff and children

Role playing, practice, and calmly discussing possible tragedies, even with young children, help when tragedy actually happens as it did today. The educators wisely practiced disaster training which saved many lives.

I remember during my elementary school years in the 60's of practicing "Duck & Cover," at least monthly. The teacher would announce it, and we would hide under our desks until the teacher said it was okay to come out. We knew the danger would be from nuclear fallout due to the Cold War with Russia. We didn't need to understand it. In actuality, "Duck & Cover" would not have saved us, but the more important issue was the feeling of empowerment we received by feeling we had some control over what to do when bad things happen.

Due to disaster in other schools, Sandy Hook schools, along with many others nationwide, have a disaster plan which gives children the power they need to feel they are helping while also knowing when it is time to obey the directions given by those in authority.

In 1989, I lived in Sioux City, Iowa, when Flight 232 crash landed at the local airport. Due to the magnificent skill of the pilot, only 111 died of the 296 passengers. A disaster drill was held previously due to the insistence of Gary Brown, the Woodbury County Disaster Services Director. The drill included members of the on site Air Guard, hospital on guard, plus fire departments from small towns. The day of the actual crash, we saw ambulances driving to the airport, and  hoped it was a drill. The practice and team work was fundamental in limiting the loss of life during that tragedy

Preparation is the key. A serious look at our mental health services and identifying potential problems may be a solution.

As a parent and grandparent, my heart goes out to all the families involved.