Sandy Hook, Ct, tragedy less due to pre-training of staff and children

Role playing, practice, and calmly discussing possible tragedies, even with young children, help when tragedy actually happens as it did today. The educators wisely practiced disaster training which saved many lives.

I remember during my elementary school years in the 60's of practicing "Duck & Cover," at least monthly. The teacher would announce it, and we would hide under our desks until the teacher said it was okay to come out. We knew the danger would be from nuclear fallout due to the Cold War with Russia. We didn't need to understand it. In actuality, "Duck & Cover" would not have saved us, but the more important issue was the feeling of empowerment we received by feeling we had some control over what to do when bad things happen.

Due to disaster in other schools, Sandy Hook schools, along with many others nationwide, have a disaster plan which gives children the power they need to feel they are helping while also knowing when it is time to obey the directions given by those in authority.

In 1989, I lived in Sioux City, Iowa, when Flight 232 crash landed at the local airport. Due to the magnificent skill of the pilot, only 111 died of the 296 passengers. A disaster drill was held previously due to the insistence of Gary Brown, the Woodbury County Disaster Services Director. The drill included members of the on site Air Guard, hospital on guard, plus fire departments from small towns. The day of the actual crash, we saw ambulances driving to the airport, and  hoped it was a drill. The practice and team work was fundamental in limiting the loss of life during that tragedy

Preparation is the key. A serious look at our mental health services and identifying potential problems may be a solution.

As a parent and grandparent, my heart goes out to all the families involved.

My Favorite Christmas Memory

At this time of year, parents everywhere are trying to make a Christmas-to-remember for their children. Stop trying so hard. Memories are made from the simple joys we share with others. 

My favorite one is when I was young. All five of us, my parents and us 3 girls sat together at the dining room table, laughing and joking over the gift box we'd received. We slowly sampled each triangle of cheese wrapped in foil, sliced the salami, and ate on saltine crackers. Vocally, without fear of a scolding, we each commented about the cheese we liked best. Dad preferred the stinky kind. Mom preferred the white ones. I liked the mild orange ones. We all loved the salami. The saltine crackers were just fine for us.

My dad worked for a cattle company. Every Christmas, he would bring home gifts from the many trucking companies who hauled the cattle to and fro for them. Besides a large gift box of cheese, there would always be a huge, several layer box of Peggy Ann chocolates. After the holidays and the box of chocolates remained in the refrigerator, one of my sisters, who I won’t snitch on by name, would sneak into the box and poke a fingernail in the bottom of each remaining chocolate until she found her favorites. Coal should have been in her stocking the next year, but never was.

The tradition of opening the cheese gift box came at the end of a long day. Both parents worked together to make us a lovely supper. We unwrapped gifts, attended the Christmas Eve Candlelight Vigil at our church, and sang Christmas carols. It was a lovely tradition.

Many years later, my mother confided in me of her struggle to spend the same amount of money on each child to equal the same number of gifts. It was important to her and not realized by her children. During the years the cattle business did not do well, she secretly made trips to the local Goodwill and repainted used toys for us in the garage. We never knew. Back then, commercials were not so strongly targeted. Children did not demand the latest, hottest new toy or gadget for Christmas.

My mother is gone now. It saddens me to think how hard she worked to make Christmas special for my sisters and I. Her own childhood holiday memories were the good fortune to receive her own orange and a few pieces of candy in her large family of 8. When our town began the annual tradition to create food baskets for the needy, Mom was first in line to help pack and deliver them in hopes of ensuring no child would be hungry at Christmas.

Dad is now 92, still able to live at home, with the help of my sister. I plan to send him a cheese basket with salami and crackers and instructions to not open until we arrive. Together, we can sample the cheeses, eat the salami, and enjoy the fancy crackers they now include in such gifts. We will talk of the old days and be proud of the grandchildren and great-grandchildren that have such a bright future before them. All because of a man who worked so hard to provide for his family and a woman who made lasting impressions shaping the giving spirit continued today through her daughters.

Tools to Build your Family

Recently, I posted my first video of my new video series, "Tools to Build your Family."

The first in the series is the key tool, "Be Consistent." Many of the moms and dads I've interviewed stated this was the wisdom they learned when their children were young.

I have so much to say! With all the research done in areas of behavior, time management, decision-making, etc. to help parents, it will be easy to make short videos of helpful advice.

The series will complement the 7 small books, only 59 pages each, I've written to reach today's parents and grandparents raising children.

So check it out, subscribe, sign on to Google to leave a comment. Let me know what you think. We all have wisdom to share to make parenting easier.

Vacations are scary

Blogging to you from the Iowa Great Lakes -- Okoboji. Enjoying sun, sailing, swimming, dining out, and togetherness. Today, we awoke to a crying toddler whose family moved in to the next room some time during the night. The child’s tears reminded me how scary a vacation can be. Parents plan for a trip to be relaxing and fun. They look forward to the excitement of a new place, new stuff to do, and a break from the old stuff they usually do.

Small children, and especially babies, thrive on consistency. It gives them security. They sleep in the same bed in the same room. Every morning they wake and go through the same routine. Life is great.

Suddenly, and with no warning, they wake in a strange bed that isn’t even placed in the same direction as their bed at home. Mom and Dad are sleeping in a big bed in the child’s room! And even stranger, some of the child’s toys are in the room. His toys belong back home.

As good parents, before the trip you explained to your child the changes to expect. You would all be sleeping in the same room. What fun! Some of his toys get to go on vacation, too. He can pick out his favorites to take. And, especially books to continue the bedtime routine. Explain that on this vacation you will see new places, play new games and eat at new places.

Then the child wakes up after a long sleep and the world is completely different. All that talk before the trip is forgotten. He cries. Patiently, remind the child the family is on vacation and the changes that happen. Losing your temper and yelling, “Knock it off,” is not helpful. (Words we heard through the walls of our room at the Inn.) Yes, the child quieted down because he could see Mom was mad, but not for long. Reassure your child that you understand his fears. Everything is different. Briefly, review the steps of how you came to the place. Talk about the fun things you will do today. Mom and Dad will be with him all day. Patience.

Spend a few minutes with your child addressing his fears so he will know it is okay to be afraid and you understand. Even a small child needs to feel respected for his thoughts. Patience with lots of hugs and less yelling will help you have a fun vacation, too.

And don't worry so much about the people in the next room, but please remind your toddler to use his inside voice. Thanks.

Fight bullies with your own sense of dignity

Bullies, especially cyber bullies, continue to make the national news. I still remember the hurt I felt when an elementary school classmate yelled, "Your mama wears Army boots." I had no idea what it even meant but it caused me to run home crying. At home, my mother was sitting on the couch with her girlfriend. I told them what the boy had said. Their comment: The Army was a noble profession but I wasn't in the Army." Their lack of reaction taught me to ignore such silly statements in the future. I also avoided that boy. Here is my advice and wisdom for parents today:

REACT to the existence of bullies in your child's life.

Remind your child that he is sincerely loved by you. He is important in your life.

Encourage and help your child find a friend. Just one good friend can be enough to ward off evil affects of bullies.

Arm your child by role-playing simple comments to stop or respond to bullies. Comments ,"Why would you say (or do) something so mean?" "That's rude of you." "Why would you ask such a question?" "That's a nasty thing to say." "Spreading vicious lies is cause for a lawsuit in the courts." And the ultimate physical reaction, "Pffff!" and walk away. You may hear laughter, but remember the low self esteem of the bully's followers. You don't want these people as your friends and shouldn't care what they think.

Cope with the disappointments in your own life and show your child how to cope with his. Give him the power to resolve bad stress, make positive decisions, and choose a path that benefits him and his future. Life gets better after the school years.

Teach your child to establish his sense of dignity. Bullies lack their own self worth and are willed powerless by someone who possesses such strength.

There will always be bullies, even in the adult workplace. How we react to them can show our own personal strength and the bully's lack of it.

Today, I watched the television show CLEAN SWEEP. I had heard of the show but had yet to desire to see other peoples’ clutter and the problems accompanying it. The feature was the winner of the Messiest House contest in 2008. Unfortunately, I easily related to the three women living in the house, a mother and her two adult daughters.

Unwanted change can be difficult to accept. Clutter is created when we fill up our lives to replace something or someone. We replace our emptiness through shopping, furniture and other stuff. In one year’s time, my mother’s life underwent several changes:
• She lost her mother to cancer,
• her oldest daughter (my sister) moved from California to Germany (military husband) taking my mother’s only grandchild,
• my other sister, and only other sibling, married and moved hundreds of miles away, and
• I married and moved a couple miles away, same town.
By the end of that year, my parents’ three-bedroom house filled with furniture. You could barely walk around the rooms. Most of the furniture came from my grandmother’s home attached with sentimental value. It was many years before the furniture began to leave the house (to make room for visiting grandchildren).

A few months after my mother died, I moved to another town due to my husband’s job transfer. I welcomed the excuse to remove myself from the memories of a lifetime. Until then, I had always lived in the same town as my parents. The move provided a great opportunity/excuse for my husband and I to declutter. We had previously maintained a home for our blended family of five children. A few times a year we might have all five, plus a daughter-in-law and grandchild. By the time we moved, we only had one permanent, half-a-week child living with us (shared custody). I maintained supplies for bedding for the possible blizzard that would find us all housebound (never happened, although the blizzards did). Donating the bedding to the Goodwill pulled at my heart, but I followed through.

I’m still a packrat when it comes to my office and all the print outs of Internet research to help me with my books. I can’t just keep the files on the computer because computers crash and are unreliable. Paper is forever. That’s what my husband fears.

What a great dad!

Did you see the video of a recent Philly's baseball game? A foul ball was knocked into the stands. A man caught it then gave it to his very young daughter who promptly threw it towards the baseball game.

Some dads would have been angry and shouted at the child. This dad laughed and hugged his daughter. That was the best response.

Congratulations, Dad, for following Number 2 on Single Parent Wisdom scale of advice: Be Patient and Loving. Way to go. I'm proud of you and your daughter is fortunate to have a loving dad like you.

Parents Mad at President Obama

Obama raised fear in the hearts of parents across the United States by announcing a talk to students. After a campaign, not so long ago, that had the major television networks praising every step he took, I can understand their fear. What is his agenda? Is he going to turn our children into Democrats? Liberals? No, school teachers are more likely to do that. College professors will definitely try.

So, today is the big day of the talk. I just read the speech at http://news-public.com/. I did not see any propaganda that I don't already promote in my book, 25 Ways to Encourage Good Behavior from the Single Parent Wisdom series. Obama simply encourages children to take responsibility for their actions and realize they control their fate, no matter the situation. Now we need their parents to do the same.

Not a very Democratic speech. Most of the time, this President tells us to rely on the government to fix all our problems. Personally, I prefer to rely on myself and hope for less government interference. Perhaps after he says the speech out loud to the students and cameras, he will realize he could promote less government, not more. We can only hope.

For my book series, Single Parent Wisdom, I asked over 50 single parents with children now grown to reflect on what worked and what didn't while raising their children. Compiling their answers and adding mine, I found 7 areas of advice recurring from their answers:

1. Be Consistent.
2. Be Patient & Loving.
3. Time is Short.
4. Be Age-Appropriate.
5. Reduce the Chaos.
6. Be a Role Model.
7. Live in the Present.
   

I list these at the beginning of each of the 16 books, starting with "25 Ways to Encourage Good Behavior."

Introducing Single Parent Wisdom

Wow. Setting up this blog is easier than it looks. I can't say that for parenting, though -- especially single parenting. This blog will be used to discuss the many facets of parenting and a few more about the world of single parenting. I ask that you bare with me as some day's I will probably write a lot and some days, nothing at all.

Hopefully, there will be much give and take between others. I like sharing of ideas and viewpoints. To begin: I was a single parent for 11 years of my 3 children. After they became adults, I started writing about the experience seeking answers to the questions and problems I faced as a young single parent. Now that I'm older, I believe young people need to listen to those who have gone before them with similar experience. We have much to teach each other and can make parenting easier. You do not have to go it alone.