Letter to Rachel Canning: You are a spoiled teen

Rachel Canning of New Jersey is one lucky girl that doesn’t appreciate what her parents have done to create such an independent, strong woman. As an honor student and athlete at her private school, she claims she has no means of support and is suing her parents for private (Catholic) school costs, college, room and board, and more although she refuses to live by their house rules and moved out.

Rachel, grow up! You are now an adult. Your parents did their best and you are now stuck with the kind of person you have become.  Can the nuns at your expensive private school still look you in the eye? They must be so embarrassed to have you as a student. Haven’t you read the Bible? Honor your parents. Be appreciative of what they have given you. Get a job. I hear minimum wage might be over $10/hour soon. That’s pretty good wages from my view. Plus, you are a smart girl. Unappreciative, but still intelligent. Sounds like you know how to play the angles. Have you been taking lessons on the side from a welfare mom who knows how to get all the freebies from the government without getting a job? (Yes, that’s unfair to welfare moms who are trying to do their best, but you know there are some who play the system.)

Anyone who knows me knows I am big on House Rules. Too many families don’t bother with them, or create them and don’t enforce them. Congratulations for your parents on standing by their House Rules. Shame on you for not understanding them by now.

Attorney fees? Really? You sue your parents, then want them to pay for the attorney. That takes balls. And it disgusts me. Have you taken the time to add up all the money your parents have spent on you up to your 18^th birthday? Just because “they have the money”, doesn’t mean they have to give their ADULT child any more. You obviously haven’t appreciated what they have given you so far.  They will need to spend some of their money on family counseling, not for you, but for them. Sounds like your mother is pretty upset over her eldest daughter. She was probably expecting to share a nice friendship with you at this age that is typical when a parent has done a good job. Instead you bring shame onto the family and publicly by suing them. Shame on you.

 

Rachel, you've had your 15 minutes of fame. Get off the stage.

Take Care of Behavior Problems Now, Not Later

The following is an excerpt from my book, “25 Ways to Encourage Good Behavior with More Discipline, Less Punishment,” from my series Single Parent Wisdom: If only I knew then, what I know now…

 

#1 Take Care of Problems Now, Not Later

Do you keep quiet when you witness misdeeds and then lump the memories of misbehavior into one angry outburst? Allen Elkin, Stress Management for Dummies®, describes this as Kitchen-Sinking a person. It’s not fair. Children prefer fair. If you didn’t correct the action when it happened, how was she to know that you really cared?

 

“Discipline works best when it’s immediate, mild, and brief, because it’s then associated with the transgression and doesn’t breed more anger and resentment.” from Nancy Shute, “Good Parents, Bad Results,” U.S. News & World Report

Don’t catastrophize

·       The world won’t end if the trash doesn’t make it to the curb this week.

·       Your child isn’t condemned to a life in prison if she steals one piece of candy. Discuss the theft and have consequences for wrong choices of behavior. [Or explain the open box on the counter did not mean they were free to take.]

·       The roof won’t fall in if your child disagrees with you about a House Rule. Say, “I can understand how you might feel that way.” Consider her opinion and change the rule, or not.

The above words sound simplistic. They are meant to be. Parents don’t need to read all the studies done on behavior management. That is the job of authors. This book series offers parents guidelines, and the freedom to apply them to their role, or to ignore them if they do not seem appropriate for their lifestyle.

It is popular today to parent more as a friend, then a parent. This does not benefit any child, especially for his future adult life. A parent must decide how he wants to raise his child, and include the other parent’s ideas. If the two parents can agree, the child will be able to understand his role so much better. If they can’t agree, eventually the child will learn what each parent expects and behave accordingly, or rebel. That is the child’s choice. Once the child is an older teen, his parents can begin towards more of a friendship role, but still remain parents when needed.

The parents’ choice is to decide what consequences work with each particular child and apply them. Suggestions for consequences that are logical, reasonable, and far out (catch the child off his guard) are available at the singleparentwisdom.com website. Or you can simply apply the standard, “We do not behave like that in this household.”

A child needs to be taught how he should behave to get the style of life he desires. This will benefit him immensely as he grows up. There are standards set for acceptable behavior in every area of life: school, college, friendships, jobs, marriage, parenting, and as a member of a community. It is the parents’ job to provide this instruction, with every step.

Get a FREE Book: “25 Ways to Encourage Good Behavior with More Discipline, Less Punishment” by Julie Prescott; Wynot Publications; ISBN 978-0-982132609   E-book ISBN: 9780982513965

While supplies last, request one or more free copies of the paperback 25 Ways from the publisher for the cost of postage. Contact the publisher Wynot Publications at info@singleparentwisdom.com. Note: Title missing from the spine on the free copies.