Problem: My girlfriend does not want to meet my parents.

Solution: How exciting! It’s time to meet the parents. Or is it? When you are young, new to serious relationships, meeting the parents is another step showing the world this is the girl for you. There might even be talk of a marriage in your future. Or is there?

In adult relationships, “meeting the parents” takes on a myriad of pros and cons. Your girlfriend has been married or in a committed relationship before, raised her own children, and lived independently for several years. The thought of meeting the new boyfriend’s parents can stir up a lot of history that you haven’t heard, and never will. How did she get along with her own parents and previous in-laws? How many layers of in-laws were there? Do you have the time or desire to listen to her talk of previous relationships? Does she want to share?

What have you shared about your past with her? Has she quietly sat and listened as you complained about your over-bearing mother, your distant father, and jealousy of your siblings? Has she witnessed your rants after you get off a phone call from dear old mom? Or shared glowing reports of your idyllic childhood making her realize what different worlds you come from?

Why bother? The relationship is working just fine as it is today. Why add more drama? Travel, expense, sleeping arrangements, loss of control of your own time, the need to be civil to strangers whom she has already formed an opinion, all create more discomfort than your girlfriend wants to deal with at this stage in her life. She’s an adult. She chooses to not place herself in a situation where she will be judged by others. Let it be.

Nevertheless, the holidays are approaching and your parents want the whole family together. Is it time to say no to the parent bond and strike out on your own? It is nice when everyone can get together, but as we age and live further apart that becomes more cumbersome. Sit this one out. Tell your parents you look forward to seeing them next time. Create your own tradition. Stay home with your girlfriend and enjoy the holidays in your style.