Friday, October 1, 2010

Fight bullies with your own sense of dignity

Bullies, especially cyber bullies, continue to make the national news. I still remember the hurt I felt when an elementary school classmate yelled, "Your mama wears Army boots." I had no idea what it even meant but it caused me to run home crying. At home, my mother was sitting on the couch with her girlfriend. I told them what the boy had said. Their comment: The Army was a noble profession but I wasn't in the Army." Their lack of reaction taught me to ignore such silly statements in the future. I also avoided that boy. Here is my advice and wisdom for parents today:

REACT to the existence of bullies in your child's life.

Remind your child that he is sincerely loved by you. He is important in your life.

Encourage and help your child find a friend. Just one good friend can be enough to ward off evil affects of bullies.

Arm your child by role-playing simple comments to stop or respond to bullies. Comments ,"Why would you say (or do) something so mean?" "That's rude of you." "Why would you ask such a question?" "That's a nasty thing to say." "Spreading vicious lies is cause for a lawsuit in the courts." And the ultimate physical reaction, "Pffff!" and walk away. You may hear laughter, but remember the low self esteem of the bully's followers. You don't want these people as your friends and shouldn't care what they think.

Cope with the disappointments in your own life and show your child how to cope with his. Give him the power to resolve bad stress, make positive decisions, and choose a path that benefits him and his future. Life gets better after the school years.

Teach your child to establish his sense of dignity. Bullies lack their own self worth and are willed powerless by someone who possesses such strength.

There will always be bullies, even in the adult workplace. How we react to them can show our own personal strength and the bully's lack of it.