My Favorite Christmas Memory

At this time of year, parents everywhere are trying to make a Christmas-to-remember for their children. Stop trying so hard. Memories are made from the simple joys we share with others. 

My favorite one is when I was young. All five of us, my parents and us 3 girls sat together at the dining room table, laughing and joking over the gift box we'd received. We slowly sampled each triangle of cheese wrapped in foil, sliced the salami, and ate on saltine crackers. Vocally, without fear of a scolding, we each commented about the cheese we liked best. Dad preferred the stinky kind. Mom preferred the white ones. I liked the mild orange ones. We all loved the salami. The saltine crackers were just fine for us.

My dad worked for a cattle company. Every Christmas, he would bring home gifts from the many trucking companies who hauled the cattle to and fro for them. Besides a large gift box of cheese, there would always be a huge, several layer box of Peggy Ann chocolates. After the holidays and the box of chocolates remained in the refrigerator, one of my sisters, who I won’t snitch on by name, would sneak into the box and poke a fingernail in the bottom of each remaining chocolate until she found her favorites. Coal should have been in her stocking the next year, but never was.

The tradition of opening the cheese gift box came at the end of a long day. Both parents worked together to make us a lovely supper. We unwrapped gifts, attended the Christmas Eve Candlelight Vigil at our church, and sang Christmas carols. It was a lovely tradition.

Many years later, my mother confided in me of her struggle to spend the same amount of money on each child to equal the same number of gifts. It was important to her and not realized by her children. During the years the cattle business did not do well, she secretly made trips to the local Goodwill and repainted used toys for us in the garage. We never knew. Back then, commercials were not so strongly targeted. Children did not demand the latest, hottest new toy or gadget for Christmas.

My mother is gone now. It saddens me to think how hard she worked to make Christmas special for my sisters and I. Her own childhood holiday memories were the good fortune to receive her own orange and a few pieces of candy in her large family of 8. When our town began the annual tradition to create food baskets for the needy, Mom was first in line to help pack and deliver them in hopes of ensuring no child would be hungry at Christmas.

Dad is now 92, still able to live at home, with the help of my sister. I plan to send him a cheese basket with salami and crackers and instructions to not open until we arrive. Together, we can sample the cheeses, eat the salami, and enjoy the fancy crackers they now include in such gifts. We will talk of the old days and be proud of the grandchildren and great-grandchildren that have such a bright future before them. All because of a man who worked so hard to provide for his family and a woman who made lasting impressions shaping the giving spirit continued today through her daughters.

A car-less family encourages me to blog

It’s been a long time since my last post. Time goes by so swiftly, now that I’m older. But I still find myself waiting. I wait for my husband to come home from work to know when to start supper. I wait for my adult children to call to find out about their lives. I wait for an actual handwritten letter from someone I know to be in my mailbox. I wait for my numbers to win on Powerball. This week it is at $214 million. Ahhhh, my husband could retire and I could stop waiting for more of my books to sell (singleparentwisdom.com; e-books at smashwords.com). I could buy a resort on a lake in a warm climate and hire someone to run it. Then I could live the resort-life forever. Someday, maybe.

This blog began as advice for young parents to complement my book series, Single Parent Wisdom: If only I knew then, what I know now. With that goal, I did not add to it unless I specifically had advice or wisdom to share. That philosophy changes today from a television show I just watched. I listened to Corbyn Hightower and her family on The Jeff Probst Show. The television was on as usual while I was on my laptop checking out my email accounts, etc. Mondays are my accomplish-little days. Mrs. Hightower related how she had lost her 6-figure income and sold the family car. Now they were living in a lower-rent house and riding bicycles everywhere. Plus, growing their own food in a small garden. The Probst show discovered her through her blog about the recession and the changes her family has made. Hmmmmm.

Mrs. Hightower writes well, more poetically than I. She blogs about her life on her iPhone that she has not given up. That sounds like a good idea to get me blogging more often. The more I write, the better I feel, as it empties my brain of random thoughts, and the organized ones, too. I have been stymied by my son’s advice that I need a vibrant, possibly shocking, title for each blog submission in order to draw in searchers looking for a good story. That task has often stopped me from blogging all-together. Plus, I thought blogs should be short and to the point, but after reading Hightower’s blog, I guess not.

A 6-figure income I have never had, even when I actually worked full-time and included my husband’s income, whichever husband it may have been at any time. Five figures was the most our income tax returns ever showed, and that was truly all our income. No unreported cash payments for work lurking in the shadows so the accountant could not see the glowing dollar signs.

Now I have a new goal that will make me feel better by writing my thoughts and hope you will enjoy reading as you learn more about my life and my philosophies. You were probably expecting the singular word, philosophy. I have found one philosophy only covers one area, for example, the philosophy showing your preference of how you teach others. We all teach, whether our paycheck states it or not. How we share the information we possess or learn from a book  is indicated by our teaching philosophy. Perhaps I’ll write more about that later.

So many topics. So little time. I look forward to talking to you soon. We will learn from each other.

Heat Wave Alters Summer Fun for Children

I'm a big advocate of children spending time outdoors. I remember as a young parent getting tired of the squabbling, whining, cries of boredom when children are inside too long. The noise level would force me to say, "Go outside and play." Outside holds a world of mystery to adventurers discovering a trail of ants, climbing a tree, fishing, playing hide and seek, watching the progress of the new plants growing in the vegetable garden.

Now I have grandchildren and this new world of electronics has invaded their lives and my home, Once again the noise level causes me to say, "Go outside and play." I enjoy an occasional game of Wii Sports, but all day long? And now the children have their own handheld video games, DS somethings. Enough! The outside is calling. Except...

This summer we are faced with daily outrageous heat, so what is a parent/grandparent to do?
Inside ideas:
* Find a deck of cards. Slapjack, Go Fish, UNO, Gin come to mind. Play a game 10 times and declare a winner. Post the name of the winner on the wall. Or make up silly rules for a new game. When a Queen is played, everyone must stand up, turn around, and sit down. When a 2 is played, everyone changes seats with the player on their right. What else can you think of? Be sure to let the children come up with their own ideas and play with them. It's good for children to see adults be silly.
* Get out the board games. Play a round of each game. (You may have to play with them to get the fun going.) Or the children can make up new rules for a game. (Someone could write down the new rules before play starts, so a creative child doesn't change the rules midgame.)
* Marching Band, if you can handle the noise for a short while. Everyone grabs an instrument, toys, pans, whistles, spoons, whatever you can find in the house. One person is the drum major, leading the band. March around the house, upstairs, downstairs, all through the house.
* Put on a play. The children can find a favorite book, or remember a favorite story and act it out. You can be the audience.
* Go for a train ride. Line up the chairs in the house, one for each participant. Take turns being the engineer riding in the first chair and the brakeman riding in the last chair, the Caboose. Where is the train heading? What sights do you see out of the train's windows? Is something on the track so the train has to come to a sudden halt?
* Superhero. Each child becomes their favorite superhero. It is okay to have several Supermen. A dish towel can serve as a cape. What magic powers do the heroes possess? I hear a doll in distress. Can someone help?
Outside ideas:
* Visit the local pool or a lake for an hour.
* Play outside in the early morning hours, before breakfast, when the temperature is typically lower.
* Play outside in the evening after supper. We set up badminton for our visiting grandchildren. They loved playing it so much, we sent a badminton set to their home.
* In the dark, play flashlight tag.
* Spot fireflies. As a child, we did horrible things to the poor fireflies. Now, we just have fun spotting them. Count how many you see.

Children enjoy using their natural creativity that can be squashed playing electronic games. Help them find it and memories of this summer will be made.

Tools to Build your Family

Recently, I posted my first video of my new video series, "Tools to Build your Family."

The first in the series is the key tool, "Be Consistent." Many of the moms and dads I've interviewed stated this was the wisdom they learned when their children were young.

I have so much to say! With all the research done in areas of behavior, time management, decision-making, etc. to help parents, it will be easy to make short videos of helpful advice.

The series will complement the 7 small books, only 59 pages each, I've written to reach today's parents and grandparents raising children.

So check it out, subscribe, sign on to Google to leave a comment. Let me know what you think. We all have wisdom to share to make parenting easier.

School’s Out! Keep the routine.

Your child is excited to sleep in, swim at the pool, and play more video games. Within two weeks, he will be bored and whining. He is missing the structure of a routine and seeing his friends every day. As the parent, you get to set his schedule. Keep a bedtime. It can be a little later than school nights, but still needs to be set and followed. You don’t want a irritable child simply because he didn’t get enough sleep.

Have activities for your child to participate where he can be around children his own age. He can join a sports team, take swimming lessons, attend sports camp, participate in nature activities, and sign up for an art class. Many towns plan fun for school-age children at  local parks.

Teens will benefit from a summer job. The summer before my senior year, I slept in every day until 1 pm. At night, I would sit outside my parents’ house talking with my friends and drinking pop until the late hours. Philosophically, we solved most of the world’s problems. When I returned to the school routine, I felt I had wasted my summer.

Working at a job or volunteering in a prospective career area can be educational. For example, a future veterinarian can help at a local vet clinic. Bathing and scooping poop is not glamorous, but it is all part of the process. The same teen can volunteer at a local animal rescue organization. For several summers, I volunteered for the Red Cross and taught hundreds of children how to swim. It only lasted half of the summer, but gave me a reason to get up in the morning.

Work with your child to come up with ideas for him to enjoy his summer by being active. You will both benefit. Have a fun summer!

New Year’s Resolution: Make Better Decisions

As a small child, we struggle to push the square block into the round hole. Then, our parent hands us two more blocks, a round one and a triangle one. Eventually, after several attempts with our chubby little hands, much huffing and breath holding, we succeed. A look up at mom or dad tells us we did well. The tall people squeal and clap their hands at our accomplishment.

That day was the first step on our path to make our own decisions and solve problems set before us. Sometimes a tall person is around to applaud, but mostly we need to find the self satisfaction of fitting the right peg into the right spot. Good or bad consequences replace mom or dad telling us we made the right choice.

Years ago, the tall people established January 1st as the day to start anew. It is time to make a list of all that we want to accomplish throughout the coming year. Today, our choices are significantly more difficult than square, round or triangle. As it was when we first toddled to the toy of our desires, we aim for what will please us and others in our life. Fortunately, we have achieved the ability to work harder and longer to achieve our goals instead of dropping the Jack-in-the-Box because we spotted a stuffed panda.

Even with the wisdom we have gained since those toddler years, decision making and problem solving still mystifies us. Consequences turn up at the result of every decision. Sometimes, a good consequence happens, such as a peck on the cheek from my spouse for making his favorite meal. When a poor decision is made, we are reminded by the person who now hates us, or the overdue notice received in the mail.

When I was a single parent, there were so many decisions to make and no one to bounce ideas off. Your family and friends tire of hearing about your problems, plus they don’t have the personal attachment or perspective to help you solve the problem. I was easily overwhelmed, many times to tears.

My memories of those earlier years compelled me to help other young parents with tips I have gathered. Over 50 other men and women who had also been solo parents joined me to offer their ideas. Our book, PARENTS! TIPS TO MAKE DECISIONS, SOLVE PROBLEMS, (Wynot Publications, 2012) will be in print mid-January. Topics include awareness of the Decision Stoppers in your life of soft addictions, stress, procrastination and others. Pointers are included on how to work with your child to solve problems between the two of you, plus tips to teach him how to find solutions for his own problems.

From my research, I found few books on decision making for parents. Instruction exists for business leaders, but not the intricacies of parenting. With several pre-orders flowing in, the need for this type of book is evident. Soon, the e-book will be available in several formats from Smashwords.com.

This is the seventh book in the series, SINGLE PARENT WISDOM: IF ONLY I KNEW THEN, WHAT I KNOW NOW.... Other books cover topics of behavior, communication, family life, values, and nurturing yourself. Books are available at many bookstores and online retail sites. Check out the SPW website at singleparentwisdom.com and Amazon.com for your copy.

First’s and maybe’s interrupt my time-to-get-fit routine

I have the perfect motivation to get fit. A new grandchild will join our family in February. When my first grandchild was born, I became serious and drew up a will (never finalized it). When the twins were expected I told myself to get into shape. My back needed to be strengthened for holding the babies. My legs needed to be stronger for getting down on the floor to play with them. Good health increases my chances of living a long time to be around for them. Instead, I crocheted baby sweaters and blankets all winter.

I’m two years older and still out of condition to be a proper grandma. So today’s the day, the beginning of September. Autumn, colorful leaves, and brisk air in my lungs beckon me to exercise outside. In the Fall my schedule becomes steady, vacations are over, and the need for sudden out-of-town trips to watch grandchildren in tournament ball games diminishes. The perfect time to concentrate on ME.

Television commercials and magazine articles stress Spring for the time to get fit, so your body is in bikini condition. Be realistic. This body is beyond the bikini-era of life. I was there, once. I only dream of being as fit as I was at 21. Is it possible? Let’s get serious.

First, I need to find my walking shoes with the special inserts so my calves don’t cramp after the walk. Where did I put those?

Maybe, I should wash my hair and put on a little make up as the neighbors will see me.

First, where is that music player and headphones? Can’t use the cassette player; threw out all the tapes when I started buying CDs. My CD player weighs too much to attach to my hip. I’d walk lopsided.

Maybe, I can search online for an MP3 player like the teenagers carry. It’ll just take a few minutes to order one. Where is my credit card?

First, if I’m going to get serious about exercising, I need to hem my walking pants I bought six years ago. They’ve always been too long.

Maybe, I should plan a healthy supper. After all, eating right is a key ingredient for getting in shape. Which cookbook should I browse?

I’m ready! Shoes found and laced. This hat and sunglasses will cover my dirty hair and lack of makeup. After all, I expect I’ll need a shower after my energetic, heart-pumping walk. Music? I have plenty of songs already playing in my head. When I tire of those, I’ll listen to the sounds of nature. I can hem the exercise pants another day. My jeans will work just fine, for today. Supper? Leftovers with a nice salad and some fresh fruit will be scrumptious.

How many first’s and maybe’s stop you from getting fit?
Tune in tomorrow for the report on my walk. If I really do it, this time.