Blogging to you from the Iowa Great Lakes -- Okoboji. Enjoying sun, sailing, swimming, dining out, and togetherness. Today, we awoke to a crying toddler whose family moved in to the next room some time during the night. The child’s tears reminded me how scary a vacation can be. Parents plan for a trip to be relaxing and fun. They look forward to the excitement of a new place, new stuff to do, and a break from the old stuff they usually do.
Small children, and especially babies, thrive on consistency. It gives them security. They sleep in the same bed in the same room. Every morning they wake and go through the same routine. Life is great.
Suddenly, and with no warning, they wake in a strange bed that isn’t even placed in the same direction as their bed at home. Mom and Dad are sleeping in a big bed in the child’s room! And even stranger, some of the child’s toys are in the room. His toys belong back home.
As good parents, before the trip you explained to your child the changes to expect. You would all be sleeping in the same room. What fun! Some of his toys get to go on vacation, too. He can pick out his favorites to take. And, especially books to continue the bedtime routine. Explain that on this vacation you will see new places, play new games and eat at new places.
Then the child wakes up after a long sleep and the world is completely different. All that talk before the trip is forgotten. He cries. Patiently, remind the child the family is on vacation and the changes that happen. Losing your temper and yelling, “Knock it off,” is not helpful. (Words we heard through the walls of our room at the Inn.) Yes, the child quieted down because he could see Mom was mad, but not for long. Reassure your child that you understand his fears. Everything is different. Briefly, review the steps of how you came to the place. Talk about the fun things you will do today. Mom and Dad will be with him all day. Patience.
Spend a few minutes with your child addressing his fears so he will know it is okay to be afraid and you understand. Even a small child needs to feel respected for his thoughts. Patience with lots of hugs and less yelling will help you have a fun vacation, too.
And don't worry so much about the people in the next room, but please remind your toddler to use his inside voice. Thanks.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Good day to rid house of cobwebs and old medicine
It’s the day before Easter and all is calm. Family members arrived on Thursday for supper and an overnight. More family arrives tomorrow night for supper and a visit. Our home is located at the halfway point, like the stagecoach stops in days past. “Time for a bit of supp’ and a rest before we continue on, folks.” After all, Iowa is in the middle of the country. Sounds like a good research project: locate former stagecoach stops nearby. But for now, I have other work to do.
Today, we convinced the cobs to leave our home and take their webs with them. It’s amazing how many cobwebs suddenly appear in the corners near the ceiling, even in the closets. It was also a good day to stand at the linen closet with a wastebasket handy. The over-the-counter medicines are kept on an eye-level shelf. It’s safe. Our children are grown and the grandchildren are too short to reach the shelf. Today, I located the expiration dates on cold medicine and the like, then pitched them. The oldest date I found was 1999. I must have missed it last time I did this exercise. It was also a good time to toss all the half-empty bottles of hair conditioner. The shampoo is easily used up but the conditioner remains. Thinking I might some day by more shampoo of the same brand, I save the conditioner bottle. My husband won’t use them because they smell “girlie.” I read somewhere you should change your shampoo every six months, so I’m left with different brands of conditioner. Typically, the shampoo and conditioner are in the same size containers. I would be happier purchasing a conditioner half the size of the shampoo bottle.
After my cleaning, the shelf is left with Alka-Seltzer packets and foot lotion. The need for cold medicines for a variety of ages and ouch creams has passed. I appreciate that our days are calmer. It is what we work towards, right?
Today, we convinced the cobs to leave our home and take their webs with them. It’s amazing how many cobwebs suddenly appear in the corners near the ceiling, even in the closets. It was also a good day to stand at the linen closet with a wastebasket handy. The over-the-counter medicines are kept on an eye-level shelf. It’s safe. Our children are grown and the grandchildren are too short to reach the shelf. Today, I located the expiration dates on cold medicine and the like, then pitched them. The oldest date I found was 1999. I must have missed it last time I did this exercise. It was also a good time to toss all the half-empty bottles of hair conditioner. The shampoo is easily used up but the conditioner remains. Thinking I might some day by more shampoo of the same brand, I save the conditioner bottle. My husband won’t use them because they smell “girlie.” I read somewhere you should change your shampoo every six months, so I’m left with different brands of conditioner. Typically, the shampoo and conditioner are in the same size containers. I would be happier purchasing a conditioner half the size of the shampoo bottle.
After my cleaning, the shelf is left with Alka-Seltzer packets and foot lotion. The need for cold medicines for a variety of ages and ouch creams has passed. I appreciate that our days are calmer. It is what we work towards, right?
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Parents not always right, just wiser
I saw this comment on a teen pregnancy website: “Parents DON’T understand, because they’re ‘always right’.” In one sentence, this explains the theory behind my Single Parent Wisdom book series. So often, parents have the experience to share, but children, especially teens, don’t want to hear about it. Watching young people become parents for the first time without the comfort of a family for support, I realized our culture is missing the wisdom available to them.
A child doesn’t understand his parents had a life before he was born. He stops listening to his parents pretty much after the “Hot stove” command. That was valuable, but “Don’t cross the street” raises questions. Why can’t I?
Interviewing other single parents who have already raised their children provides the basis of the SP Wisdom book series. The first book, 25 Ways to Encourage Good Behavior, starts right out with easy steps towards better behavior. The second book, Parents! Take Care of Yourself, gives pointers on avoiding burn-out and depression by finding time to satisfy your own needs.
It is not that parents are “always right,” it is their bad experiences they hope you will avoid. Parents want to steer you towards enjoying the good experiences that await you.
A child doesn’t understand his parents had a life before he was born. He stops listening to his parents pretty much after the “Hot stove” command. That was valuable, but “Don’t cross the street” raises questions. Why can’t I?
Interviewing other single parents who have already raised their children provides the basis of the SP Wisdom book series. The first book, 25 Ways to Encourage Good Behavior, starts right out with easy steps towards better behavior. The second book, Parents! Take Care of Yourself, gives pointers on avoiding burn-out and depression by finding time to satisfy your own needs.
It is not that parents are “always right,” it is their bad experiences they hope you will avoid. Parents want to steer you towards enjoying the good experiences that await you.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Fight bullies with your own sense of dignity
Bullies, especially cyber bullies, continue to make the national news. I still remember the hurt I felt when an elementary school classmate yelled, "Your mama wears Army boots." I had no idea what it even meant but it caused me to run home crying. At home, my mother was sitting on the couch with her girlfriend. I told them what the boy had said. Their comment: The Army was a noble profession but I wasn't in the Army." Their lack of reaction taught me to ignore such silly statements in the future. I also avoided that boy. Here is my advice and wisdom for parents today:
REACT to the existence of bullies in your child's life.
Remind your child that he is sincerely loved by you. He is important in your life.
Encourage and help your child find a friend. Just one good friend can be enough to ward off evil affects of bullies.
Arm your child by role-playing simple comments to stop or respond to bullies. Comments ,"Why would you say (or do) something so mean?" "That's rude of you." "Why would you ask such a question?" "That's a nasty thing to say." "Spreading vicious lies is cause for a lawsuit in the courts." And the ultimate physical reaction, "Pffff!" and walk away. You may hear laughter, but remember the low self esteem of the bully's followers. You don't want these people as your friends and shouldn't care what they think.
Cope with the disappointments in your own life and show your child how to cope with his. Give him the power to resolve bad stress, make positive decisions, and choose a path that benefits him and his future. Life gets better after the school years.
Teach your child to establish his sense of dignity. Bullies lack their own self worth and are willed powerless by someone who possesses such strength.
There will always be bullies, even in the adult workplace. How we react to them can show our own personal strength and the bully's lack of it.
REACT to the existence of bullies in your child's life.
Remind your child that he is sincerely loved by you. He is important in your life.
Encourage and help your child find a friend. Just one good friend can be enough to ward off evil affects of bullies.
Arm your child by role-playing simple comments to stop or respond to bullies. Comments ,"Why would you say (or do) something so mean?" "That's rude of you." "Why would you ask such a question?" "That's a nasty thing to say." "Spreading vicious lies is cause for a lawsuit in the courts." And the ultimate physical reaction, "Pffff!" and walk away. You may hear laughter, but remember the low self esteem of the bully's followers. You don't want these people as your friends and shouldn't care what they think.
Cope with the disappointments in your own life and show your child how to cope with his. Give him the power to resolve bad stress, make positive decisions, and choose a path that benefits him and his future. Life gets better after the school years.
Teach your child to establish his sense of dignity. Bullies lack their own self worth and are willed powerless by someone who possesses such strength.
There will always be bullies, even in the adult workplace. How we react to them can show our own personal strength and the bully's lack of it.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Today, I watched the television show CLEAN SWEEP. I had heard of the show but had yet to desire to see other peoples’ clutter and the problems accompanying it. The feature was the winner of the Messiest House contest in 2008. Unfortunately, I easily related to the three women living in the house, a mother and her two adult daughters.
Unwanted change can be difficult to accept. Clutter is created when we fill up our lives to replace something or someone. We replace our emptiness through shopping, furniture and other stuff. In one year’s time, my mother’s life underwent several changes:
• She lost her mother to cancer,
• her oldest daughter (my sister) moved from California to Germany (military husband) taking my mother’s only grandchild,
• my other sister, and only other sibling, married and moved hundreds of miles away, and
• I married and moved a couple miles away, same town.
By the end of that year, my parents’ three-bedroom house filled with furniture. You could barely walk around the rooms. Most of the furniture came from my grandmother’s home attached with sentimental value. It was many years before the furniture began to leave the house (to make room for visiting grandchildren).
A few months after my mother died, I moved to another town due to my husband’s job transfer. I welcomed the excuse to remove myself from the memories of a lifetime. Until then, I had always lived in the same town as my parents. The move provided a great opportunity/excuse for my husband and I to declutter. We had previously maintained a home for our blended family of five children. A few times a year we might have all five, plus a daughter-in-law and grandchild. By the time we moved, we only had one permanent, half-a-week child living with us (shared custody). I maintained supplies for bedding for the possible blizzard that would find us all housebound (never happened, although the blizzards did). Donating the bedding to the Goodwill pulled at my heart, but I followed through.
I’m still a packrat when it comes to my office and all the print outs of Internet research to help me with my books. I can’t just keep the files on the computer because computers crash and are unreliable. Paper is forever. That’s what my husband fears.
Unwanted change can be difficult to accept. Clutter is created when we fill up our lives to replace something or someone. We replace our emptiness through shopping, furniture and other stuff. In one year’s time, my mother’s life underwent several changes:
• She lost her mother to cancer,
• her oldest daughter (my sister) moved from California to Germany (military husband) taking my mother’s only grandchild,
• my other sister, and only other sibling, married and moved hundreds of miles away, and
• I married and moved a couple miles away, same town.
By the end of that year, my parents’ three-bedroom house filled with furniture. You could barely walk around the rooms. Most of the furniture came from my grandmother’s home attached with sentimental value. It was many years before the furniture began to leave the house (to make room for visiting grandchildren).
A few months after my mother died, I moved to another town due to my husband’s job transfer. I welcomed the excuse to remove myself from the memories of a lifetime. Until then, I had always lived in the same town as my parents. The move provided a great opportunity/excuse for my husband and I to declutter. We had previously maintained a home for our blended family of five children. A few times a year we might have all five, plus a daughter-in-law and grandchild. By the time we moved, we only had one permanent, half-a-week child living with us (shared custody). I maintained supplies for bedding for the possible blizzard that would find us all housebound (never happened, although the blizzards did). Donating the bedding to the Goodwill pulled at my heart, but I followed through.
I’m still a packrat when it comes to my office and all the print outs of Internet research to help me with my books. I can’t just keep the files on the computer because computers crash and are unreliable. Paper is forever. That’s what my husband fears.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Women step up to fix problems in government
It is natural for us to clean up after others make a terrible mess. We cannot sit on the political sidelines and watch any longer. It is time to take action. No matter what you think of Sarah Palin, she is empowering women to take charge of our current state of affairs. While other countries have or had women leaders, such as Great Britain, Germany, Pakistan and India to name a few, the United States is behind in the count of women in charge. Tuesday’s state primaries showed a change in women willing to fight the battle. November elections will be interesting to watch. Be sure to vote!
Iowa -- Democrat Roxanne Conlin will challenge five-term Republican Sen. Charles Grassley come November.
California – Republican and new to the race Meg Whitman will face former liberal governor Jerry Brown for the governorship. Newcomer Republican Carly Fiorina will challenge Democratic sitting senator Barbara Boxer.
Nevada – Republican Sharron Angle will fight Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid in November.
Arkansas – Sitting Sen. Blanche Lincoln of Arkansas has kept her seat to fight in November.
Maine -- Senate President Libby Mitchell will challenge for governor.
South Carolina – Republican state lawmaker Nikki Haley is in a run-off for governor.
WISDOM – At singleparentwisdom.com we offer books of parenting wisdom. Others are choosing the wisdom factor to select who will fix our government’s problems. In Iowa, former 4-term governor Terry Branstad won his primary to challenge sitting governor Chet Culver. California’s former governor Jerry Brown is running for governor, again. There comes a time when we must realize wisdom is worthy.
Iowa -- Democrat Roxanne Conlin will challenge five-term Republican Sen. Charles Grassley come November.
California – Republican and new to the race Meg Whitman will face former liberal governor Jerry Brown for the governorship. Newcomer Republican Carly Fiorina will challenge Democratic sitting senator Barbara Boxer.
Nevada – Republican Sharron Angle will fight Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid in November.
Arkansas – Sitting Sen. Blanche Lincoln of Arkansas has kept her seat to fight in November.
Maine -- Senate President Libby Mitchell will challenge for governor.
South Carolina – Republican state lawmaker Nikki Haley is in a run-off for governor.
WISDOM – At singleparentwisdom.com we offer books of parenting wisdom. Others are choosing the wisdom factor to select who will fix our government’s problems. In Iowa, former 4-term governor Terry Branstad won his primary to challenge sitting governor Chet Culver. California’s former governor Jerry Brown is running for governor, again. There comes a time when we must realize wisdom is worthy.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Sexting -- You've got to be kidding!
I just sent my next book, BE A ROLE MODEL, SHARE YOUR VALUES to the printer. You can get the idea of what it is about. The same day I wrapped it up (e-mailed the PDF to the printer), I read about SEXTING. I realize I'm a little behind the times, but really. Yuck! Girls, and probably boys, too, are sending pictures of themselves in provocative poses, or all out nude by cell phone to their friends. How stupid is this!
Even if they sent it to one friend, the capabilities, as they are, do not limit how many people see these all-bare photos. Or the age, or perversion. What a heyday for pedophiles! And the ages of these kids showing it all are reported as young as middle schoolers. Is your 12-year-old sexting? Are her friends? Grab her cell phone and look. What photos did she post on Facebook, or whatever the latest craze today? What are they thinking? What if someone finds out who they are and where they live?
I used to worry about obscene phone callers. Remember those? I knew how to hang up immediately, but as a single parent I feared they knew where I lived and were watching me. Talk to your child about modesty. It seems to be a lost art.
Even if they sent it to one friend, the capabilities, as they are, do not limit how many people see these all-bare photos. Or the age, or perversion. What a heyday for pedophiles! And the ages of these kids showing it all are reported as young as middle schoolers. Is your 12-year-old sexting? Are her friends? Grab her cell phone and look. What photos did she post on Facebook, or whatever the latest craze today? What are they thinking? What if someone finds out who they are and where they live?
I used to worry about obscene phone callers. Remember those? I knew how to hang up immediately, but as a single parent I feared they knew where I lived and were watching me. Talk to your child about modesty. It seems to be a lost art.
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