Solution: How exciting! It’s time to meet the parents. Or is
it? When you are young, new to serious relationships, meeting the parents is
another step showing the world this is the girl for you. There might even be
talk of a marriage in your future. Or is there?
In adult relationships, “meeting the parents” takes on a
myriad of pros and cons. Your girlfriend has been married or in a committed
relationship before, raised her own children, and lived independently for
several years. The thought of meeting the new boyfriend’s parents can stir up a
lot of history that you haven’t heard, and never will. How did she get along
with her own parents and previous in-laws? How many layers of in-laws were
there? Do you have the time or desire to listen to her talk of previous
relationships? Does she want to share?
What have you shared about your past with her? Has she
quietly sat and listened as you complained about your over-bearing mother, your
distant father, and jealousy of your siblings? Has she witnessed your rants
after you get off a phone call from dear old mom? Or shared glowing reports of your
idyllic childhood making her realize what different worlds you come from?
Why bother? The relationship is working just fine as it is
today. Why add more drama? Travel, expense, sleeping arrangements, loss of
control of your own time, the need to be civil to strangers whom she has
already formed an opinion, all create more discomfort than your girlfriend
wants to deal with at this stage in her life. She’s an adult. She chooses to
not place herself in a situation where she will be judged by others. Let it be.
Nevertheless, the holidays are approaching and your parents
want the whole family together. Is it time to say no to the parent bond and
strike out on your own? It is nice when everyone can get together, but as we
age and live further apart that becomes more cumbersome. Sit this one out. Tell
your parents you look forward to seeing them next time. Create your own
tradition. Stay home with your girlfriend and enjoy the holidays in your style.
