New Year’s Resolution: Make Better Decisions

As a small child, we struggle to push the square block into the round hole. Then, our parent hands us two more blocks, a round one and a triangle one. Eventually, after several attempts with our chubby little hands, much huffing and breath holding, we succeed. A look up at mom or dad tells us we did well. The tall people squeal and clap their hands at our accomplishment.

That day was the first step on our path to make our own decisions and solve problems set before us. Sometimes a tall person is around to applaud, but mostly we need to find the self satisfaction of fitting the right peg into the right spot. Good or bad consequences replace mom or dad telling us we made the right choice.

Years ago, the tall people established January 1st as the day to start anew. It is time to make a list of all that we want to accomplish throughout the coming year. Today, our choices are significantly more difficult than square, round or triangle. As it was when we first toddled to the toy of our desires, we aim for what will please us and others in our life. Fortunately, we have achieved the ability to work harder and longer to achieve our goals instead of dropping the Jack-in-the-Box because we spotted a stuffed panda.

Even with the wisdom we have gained since those toddler years, decision making and problem solving still mystifies us. Consequences turn up at the result of every decision. Sometimes, a good consequence happens, such as a peck on the cheek from my spouse for making his favorite meal. When a poor decision is made, we are reminded by the person who now hates us, or the overdue notice received in the mail.

When I was a single parent, there were so many decisions to make and no one to bounce ideas off. Your family and friends tire of hearing about your problems, plus they don’t have the personal attachment or perspective to help you solve the problem. I was easily overwhelmed, many times to tears.

My memories of those earlier years compelled me to help other young parents with tips I have gathered. Over 50 other men and women who had also been solo parents joined me to offer their ideas. Our book, PARENTS! TIPS TO MAKE DECISIONS, SOLVE PROBLEMS, (Wynot Publications, 2012) will be in print mid-January. Topics include awareness of the Decision Stoppers in your life of soft addictions, stress, procrastination and others. Pointers are included on how to work with your child to solve problems between the two of you, plus tips to teach him how to find solutions for his own problems.

From my research, I found few books on decision making for parents. Instruction exists for business leaders, but not the intricacies of parenting. With several pre-orders flowing in, the need for this type of book is evident. Soon, the e-book will be available in several formats from Smashwords.com.

This is the seventh book in the series, SINGLE PARENT WISDOM: IF ONLY I KNEW THEN, WHAT I KNOW NOW.... Other books cover topics of behavior, communication, family life, values, and nurturing yourself. Books are available at many bookstores and online retail sites. Check out the SPW website at singleparentwisdom.com and Amazon.com for your copy.

First’s and maybe’s interrupt my time-to-get-fit routine

I have the perfect motivation to get fit. A new grandchild will join our family in February. When my first grandchild was born, I became serious and drew up a will (never finalized it). When the twins were expected I told myself to get into shape. My back needed to be strengthened for holding the babies. My legs needed to be stronger for getting down on the floor to play with them. Good health increases my chances of living a long time to be around for them. Instead, I crocheted baby sweaters and blankets all winter.

I’m two years older and still out of condition to be a proper grandma. So today’s the day, the beginning of September. Autumn, colorful leaves, and brisk air in my lungs beckon me to exercise outside. In the Fall my schedule becomes steady, vacations are over, and the need for sudden out-of-town trips to watch grandchildren in tournament ball games diminishes. The perfect time to concentrate on ME.

Television commercials and magazine articles stress Spring for the time to get fit, so your body is in bikini condition. Be realistic. This body is beyond the bikini-era of life. I was there, once. I only dream of being as fit as I was at 21. Is it possible? Let’s get serious.

First, I need to find my walking shoes with the special inserts so my calves don’t cramp after the walk. Where did I put those?

Maybe, I should wash my hair and put on a little make up as the neighbors will see me.

First, where is that music player and headphones? Can’t use the cassette player; threw out all the tapes when I started buying CDs. My CD player weighs too much to attach to my hip. I’d walk lopsided.

Maybe, I can search online for an MP3 player like the teenagers carry. It’ll just take a few minutes to order one. Where is my credit card?

First, if I’m going to get serious about exercising, I need to hem my walking pants I bought six years ago. They’ve always been too long.

Maybe, I should plan a healthy supper. After all, eating right is a key ingredient for getting in shape. Which cookbook should I browse?

I’m ready! Shoes found and laced. This hat and sunglasses will cover my dirty hair and lack of makeup. After all, I expect I’ll need a shower after my energetic, heart-pumping walk. Music? I have plenty of songs already playing in my head. When I tire of those, I’ll listen to the sounds of nature. I can hem the exercise pants another day. My jeans will work just fine, for today. Supper? Leftovers with a nice salad and some fresh fruit will be scrumptious.

How many first’s and maybe’s stop you from getting fit?
Tune in tomorrow for the report on my walk. If I really do it, this time.

Vacations are scary

Blogging to you from the Iowa Great Lakes -- Okoboji. Enjoying sun, sailing, swimming, dining out, and togetherness. Today, we awoke to a crying toddler whose family moved in to the next room some time during the night. The child’s tears reminded me how scary a vacation can be. Parents plan for a trip to be relaxing and fun. They look forward to the excitement of a new place, new stuff to do, and a break from the old stuff they usually do.

Small children, and especially babies, thrive on consistency. It gives them security. They sleep in the same bed in the same room. Every morning they wake and go through the same routine. Life is great.

Suddenly, and with no warning, they wake in a strange bed that isn’t even placed in the same direction as their bed at home. Mom and Dad are sleeping in a big bed in the child’s room! And even stranger, some of the child’s toys are in the room. His toys belong back home.

As good parents, before the trip you explained to your child the changes to expect. You would all be sleeping in the same room. What fun! Some of his toys get to go on vacation, too. He can pick out his favorites to take. And, especially books to continue the bedtime routine. Explain that on this vacation you will see new places, play new games and eat at new places.

Then the child wakes up after a long sleep and the world is completely different. All that talk before the trip is forgotten. He cries. Patiently, remind the child the family is on vacation and the changes that happen. Losing your temper and yelling, “Knock it off,” is not helpful. (Words we heard through the walls of our room at the Inn.) Yes, the child quieted down because he could see Mom was mad, but not for long. Reassure your child that you understand his fears. Everything is different. Briefly, review the steps of how you came to the place. Talk about the fun things you will do today. Mom and Dad will be with him all day. Patience.

Spend a few minutes with your child addressing his fears so he will know it is okay to be afraid and you understand. Even a small child needs to feel respected for his thoughts. Patience with lots of hugs and less yelling will help you have a fun vacation, too.

And don't worry so much about the people in the next room, but please remind your toddler to use his inside voice. Thanks.

Good day to rid house of cobwebs and old medicine

It’s the day before Easter and all is calm. Family members arrived on Thursday for supper and an overnight. More family arrives tomorrow night for supper and a visit. Our home is located at the halfway point, like the stagecoach stops in days past. “Time for a bit of supp’ and a rest before we continue on, folks.” After all, Iowa is in the middle of the country. Sounds like a good research project: locate former stagecoach stops nearby. But for now, I have other work to do.

Today, we convinced the cobs to leave our home and take their webs with them. It’s amazing how many cobwebs suddenly appear in the corners near the ceiling, even in the closets. It was also a good day to stand at the linen closet with a wastebasket handy. The over-the-counter medicines are kept on an eye-level shelf. It’s safe. Our children are grown and the grandchildren are too short to reach the shelf. Today, I located the expiration dates on cold medicine and the like, then pitched them. The oldest date I found was 1999. I must have missed it last time I did this exercise. It was also a good time to toss all the half-empty bottles of hair conditioner. The shampoo is easily used up but the conditioner remains. Thinking I might some day by more shampoo of the same brand, I save the conditioner bottle. My husband won’t use them because they smell “girlie.” I read somewhere you should change your shampoo every six months, so I’m left with different brands of conditioner. Typically, the shampoo and conditioner are in the same size containers. I would be happier purchasing a conditioner half the size of the shampoo bottle.

After my cleaning, the shelf is left with Alka-Seltzer packets and foot lotion. The need for cold medicines for a variety of ages and ouch creams has passed. I appreciate that our days are calmer. It is what we work towards, right?

Parents not always right, just wiser

I saw this comment on a teen pregnancy website: “Parents DON’T understand, because they’re ‘always right’.” In one sentence, this explains the theory behind my Single Parent Wisdom book series. So often, parents have the experience to share, but children, especially teens, don’t want to hear about it. Watching young people become parents for the first time without the comfort of a family for support, I realized our culture is missing the wisdom available to them.

A child doesn’t understand his parents had a life before he was born. He stops listening to his parents pretty much after the “Hot stove” command. That was valuable, but “Don’t cross the street” raises questions. Why can’t I?

Interviewing other single parents who have already raised their children provides the basis of the SP Wisdom book series. The first book, 25 Ways to Encourage Good Behavior, starts right out with easy steps towards better behavior. The second book, Parents! Take Care of Yourself, gives pointers on avoiding burn-out and depression by finding time to satisfy your own needs.

It is not that parents are “always right,” it is their bad experiences they hope you will avoid. Parents want to steer you towards enjoying the good experiences that await you.